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Running with Scissors
And the Survey Says? by Sara Peterson-Davis Now that the party conventions are over and the candidates have been chosen, the election season is off and running. For the next two months, the television will be full of nothing but political ads for everyone from the presidential to county sheriff candidates. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could just turn off the television to get away for a while, but there are direct mail postcards, the door-to-door canvassers and the telephone surveyors. I’d do about anything to avoid the pain, and I know the candidates would do about anything to get my vote. That’s why I’m developing Sara’s Vote-O-Matic 2008. This space-age survey system could save my sanity and the political candidates a load of time and money. All they have to do is answer a few questions and two minutes later we’ll both know if they have a chance at my vote: Here’s a sample: Welcome to Sara’s Vote-O-Matic Survey 2008. This completely unscientific and arbitrary survey system was developed to help Sara make up her mind this election year. Please answer the following questions as honestly as possible. While you might find that difficult, be assured your answers will only be held up to ridicule by the staff of Sara’s Vote-O-Matic, their family members, friends and casual acquaintances. Circle only one answer per question. Multiple answers, flip-flopping and waffling just annoy us. Please be advised that while brown-nosing is mildly amusing, we at Sara’s Vote-O-Matic just didn’t fall off the turnip truck. So, let’s begin: Question 1: I am running for office because: Question 2:
My favorite meal is: Question 3: Which of the following Hollywood
heroes would best describe you? A: Indiana Jones Question 4: If you were a pair of shoes,
which of the following would you be? A: Something sensible Question 5: If I could change one thing
about myself, I would: Question 6: If you were a musician
who would you be? Question 7: Which of the following vehicles
would best describe you? Question 8: Which of the
follow soft drinks best describes you? While I’m still working out the kinks, I’m leaning toward the candidates who answer D most often. I know it sounds crazy, but somebody with those answers would represent a real change. |
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