Running with Scissors

Sara Peterson-Davis has worked as a newspaper researcher and reporter, as well as a communications director and consultant. She and her husband, Monty Davis, can be found in Liberty, Mo., keeping their two children from running with scissors. Contact Sara

Who’s Smarter Than an American Idol Gladiator Survivor?

by Sara Peterson-Davis

Even after all the candidate profiles, televised debates and campaign advertising, I just don’t feel I know the “real” Hillary, Mike, Barack and John.

That’s why I’d like to see a bit of reality introduced into this primary season. That’s right – I’m talking reality television, baby!

While I’m not a huge reality television fan, there’s nothing that tears down a superficial façade like a week in the jungle or wearing tights and headgear.

I say let’s unite America’s two current obsessions – reality television and presidential politics - into one huge bi-partisan entertainment ratings bonanza.

Here are the shows I’d like to see:

Survivor: Candidate Island — John McCain might have an unfair advantage here, but I wouldn’t count out our other three contenders.

Placed on a deserted island to fend for themselves, would our candidates form alliances? Or would it be every candidate for him/herself?

What lengths would they go to keep their tiki torches aflame? And who would psych out the competition by going all “Richard Hatch clothing optional?”

American Idol: The Candidate Auditions — We know they can blow hot air but can they blow a tune?

While Mike might have the rock n’ roll credentials, how would he stack up when the producers fill the Idol playlist with disco hits like “I Will Survive” and “MacArthur Park” and heavy metal favorites like “Highway to Hell” and “Crazy Train?”

If they don’t win the White House, maybe they could win the hearts of America. Move over Sanjaya.

American Gladiator: Candidates in Tights — While the Spandex might be disturbing, America could tune in to see Mike and John face off in sudden death rocket launcher dodge ball. Or instead of pummeling each other with words, Barack and Hillary could go at each other with those giant Q-tips while balancing on a beam 12 feet in the air.

Who’s cryin’ now?

Real World: Washington D.C. — America could watch as our four candidates learn to live and survive together in the real world — inner city Washington D.C.

Raise your hand if you’re for universal health care now.

The Great Race: White House or Bust – Picking up clues and points along the way, two bipartisan teams compete in an around the world race against time. Who would work together to get out of Luxemborg and who would be running from an angry mob in Nairobi?

Is Your Candidate Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? — Unlike in the past, this show would insure that this election year there was “no candidate left behind.”

Now that’s reality television I could watch.

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