Running with Scissors

Sara Peterson-Davis has worked as a newspaper researcher and reporter, as well as a communications director and consultant. She and her husband, Monty Davis, can be found in Liberty, Mo., keeping their two children from running with scissors. Contact Sara

Seven Up

by Sara Peterson-Davis

I guess some things aren’t set in stone anymore. It’s more like plastic or rubber.

I found this out the other day when it was announced that the Vatican has drawn up another list of seven deadly sins. Now, I thought the other ones did a pretty good job of covering all the biggies, but it seems that they weren’t really in line with our fast-paced globalized society.

In case you need a refresher the original seven deadly sins were spelled out by Pope Gregory the Great in the 6th century and given more press in Dante’s The Divine Comedy. They are: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.

In keeping with the 21st centuries need for all things “new and improved,” the Vatican’s new list includes such sins as polluting, being obscenely rich, drug dealing, and causing social injustice.

I can see the point. It’s important to be up with current sinning trends and set some ground rules to let all those sinners know what they’re up against.

That got me to thinking. If the Vatican can tweak the seven deadly sins, why can’t I create some of my own for the little corner of the universe I try to keep on the straight and narrow path?

It was difficult to keep it to just seven, but here goes:

Sara’s Seven Not Quite Deadly Sins:

Whining- You will see the death of your allowance if you whine when your father or I refuse to drop everything and chauffeur you and your friends to the movie or anywhere else for that matter.

Laundry abandonment – You will experience the death of your favorite shirt if you don’t pick up your dirty socks and underwear off your bedroom floor, or hide them under or in any piece of furniture.

Kitchen resource mismanagement – You will suffer through endless meals of frozen spinach, creamed corn and sauerkraut if you put an empty package of anything back in the pantry or refrigerator to cover up the fact that you’ve eaten it all.

Selective sensory perception – You will suffer the loss of all that you hold dear – Ninetendo DS, Playstation 2, etc. – if you cannot look farther than the end of your nose for your shoes, coat, books, keys or anything else that you need before you can leave for school.

Pet Neglect – You will be awaken by scratchy sensation of a starving and cranky hamster in your bed if you continue to forget that, like you, he likes to eat every day.

Perceived Technological Neglect – You will be issued two tin cans and several yards of string if you continue to yammer to your father and I that you are the only kids in 7th and 3rd grades without cellphones.

Chronic Sibling Pestering – You will suffer the eternal embarrassment of being sent to the front yard to hold hands with your sibling and sing Barney the Dinosaur’s “I Love You” song for any prolonged incidence of sibling pestering.

Well, now there they are my seven biggies. But how do I get everyone to mind them?

I guess that’s where the divine comedy part comes in.

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