Running with Scissors

Sara Peterson-Davis has worked as a newspaper researcher and reporter, as well as a communications director and consultant. She and her husband, Monty Davis, can be found in Liberty, Mo., keeping their two children from running with scissors. Contact Sara

Our Secret Weapon: Public Relations

by Sara Peterson-Davis

One morning last week I was reading the newspaper when this headline caught my eye: “Fighting terror with better PR.”

Come to find out the U.S. State Department recently released a report calling for the creation of a new center aimed at “countering the spread of terrorist ideology” and “the steep decline in America’s global image.”

According to the article, the Counterterrorism Communication Center would develop messages “to undermine and marginalize extremist ideology and propaganda” and “aggressively rebut and efficiently respond to actions and statements by terrorist groups and leaders across the world.”

Hmmm. Well, having been on both sides of an aggressive public relations campaign, I know that the first step usually involves focus groups.

That’s when you round up a bunch of people you think represent the group you’re trying to reach, lock them in a room, feed them donuts and coffee, and ask them a bunch of questions to “pick their brains” about a product, a program, a message, whatever. Whether someone answers honestly, depends on a variety of variables, including whether they found a donut they liked on the snack table or if they are sitting next to someone with a strong opinion or odor.

Anyway, this snippet in the newspaper caught my imagination. I couldn’t help wondering if the Counterterrorism Communication Center would conduct focus groups, whom they planned to invite and what questions they might ask?

If they do, I imagine it might go something like this…

“Good afternoon everyone. I’m Undersecretary of State Karen Hughes and I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules here at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp to participate in our focus group.

“Please feel free to get up and help yourselves to the donuts and coffee on the snack table at the back of the room.

“What’s that? Oh, that’s right you can’t because of those silly manacles you’re wearing. Oops.

“Why don’t we just get started then.

“O.K. First, let’s start by finding out what your current opinions are about the United States?

“Hmm. I didn’t understand a thing you just said, but from the look on the face of the interpreter, I think we can put that down as a “not very positive.

“Well, moving right along what should the United States do to improve your opinion of it?

“What was that sir? Your opinion of the United States might improve if the U.S. government released you from this hot, humid, #($(#)!@) rock.

“Like that’s going to happen, but thank you for sharing.

“Next, what do you see as a benefit to having a more positive attitude about the United States.

“Anyone want to answer that one? Anyone? Yes, you in the back. What’s that? Do what? Look buddy, I don’t even own a goat!

“O.K. Next I’d like to get your opinions on a few t-shirt and bumper sticker slogans we’ve been working on.

“First, one is ‘Don’t Hates the United States.’

“No? Wow, we thought that one really had that rapper, street cred kind of thing going for it.

“O.K. ‘How about ‘I-E-Ps are D-U-M-B?’

“What’s that? You think I’m D-U-M-B too.Very funny. Thank you.

“How about this last one? We envisioned this one printed on a junior miss t-shirts, ‘Suicide bombers have no future…with me.’

“What’s that? You wish I’d go out on a date with a suicide bomber. Cute sir. Very cute.

“Well, that’s all we have. On behalf of the U.S. State Department I’d like to thank each of you for participating in our focus group today. As a token of our thanks I have some gift certificates for free Pizza Hut pizzas, free 12-packs of any Coca-Cola product and free movie rentals at Blockbuster.

“Oops, I hadn’t looked at the expiration date on these things. These all expire long before you’ll get out of here.

“My bad.”

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