Running with Scissors

Sara Peterson-Davis has worked as a newspaper researcher and reporter, as well as a communications director and consultant. She and her husband, Monty Davis, can be found in Liberty, Mo., keeping their two children from running with scissors. Contact Sara

24 Crayons

by Sara Peterson-Davis

This time of year makes me a little sad and… well, a little grumpy.

Sad because summer is almost over and the kids are getting ready to go back to school.

Grumpy because I just blew more than 50 bucks on school supplies.

The mood came over me as I was standing in the school supply aisle of our local box store realizing that half of what I was about to buy would be lost, stolen or damaged in a couple of weeks. Or worse yet, they would bring it home unused, but strangely sticky and unusable, at the end of the school year.

I don’t know what happens to them, but I have some theories.

24 pre-sharpened #2 pencils— Have you tried to sharpen a pencil lately. Whether I use a little manual or the electric sharpener, I can’t seem to get a point on a pencil without breaking it. That means you have to go through about 96 #2 pencils to get 24 you can actually use.

24-count crayons — Now whom are they kidding? I’ve sent my kids with the prescribed number of crayons, only to be scolded when some kid in their class brings in the Starship Enterprise-sized set of crayons that includes every subtle shade in the spectrum. A couple of weeks later, my kids’ crayons have done everything from mysteriously evaporating in their desks to falling in the hands of some notorious crayon-breaking classmate.

I think crayon manufacturers slip one mom in every class a coupon for a free pack of 384 crayons and the rest of us cave to the pressure.

Two boxes of 120-count tissues— I don’t know where the tissues go but I know the kids aren’t using them. I’ve volunteered at school and the evidence is on their sleeves.

I suspect someone from the tissue manufacturing industry slips into schools around the country some time in October and teaches little girls to make facial tissue ghosts.

12-count pre-sharpened colored pencils— While these are already sharpened, the evidence shows kids use only three to four of the dozen colors. Each summer, my kids come home with a near-full set with the exception of red, blue, black, brown and yellow.

Why?

I don’t know, but I suspect it has something to do with social studies and a map.

4 packages of 3x3 sticky notes — Now I’ve never actually seen any work my kids have done that involved sticky notes.

I suspect the teachers cover the walls of their lounge with these little squares of wonder during their planning period.

3-ring cloth zippered pouch — If my kids were actually using this piece of back-to-school equipment, I wouldn’t have to send them with a new set of supplies in November.

I suspect these are collected at the door on the first day and handed back on the last day as they run out again. In the interim, they’re perfect for storing all those sticky notes.

A large supply of wide-lined notebook paper — Now this one is a mystery. I send my kids with wide-lined paper in the fall and they come home with college ruled in the spring.

Why?

I suspect it has something to do with one of Einstein’s theories – something involving time, space and the strange forces lurking in the bottom of lockers and the back of desks.

Three glue sticks — These are something that always seems to make its way home again. What I don’t understand why they have some sort of fur stuck to them when they do?

One 8.5x5.5x2.5-inch plastic school box — Again if my kids were using these, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But then again, exactly what can you get in a box that size?

Needless to say, I can’t prove any of this. So I bought everything on both the kids’ lists, knowing that I shouldn’t count on seeing any of it again. If I could, I’d like to make just one request.

If something has to get lost, could it be the glue sticks?

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